Ideas

Unrequited Love is Evil

I heard it once said that unrequited love is the universal language. Dipping its hand into every culture across the planet, it plagues men with the inability to ‘get what they want’ and ‘deserve’. We romanticise rejection in books, films and TV as something lonely, yet glorious. Bitter, yet grand as a symphony in full chorus.

The truth is, unrequited love is not romantic or grand. It’s pathetic. Let’s stop using unrequited love as a self-defence mechanism to romanticize rejection as some kind of torturous event worthy of literary celebration.

It’s not.

Move on.

That kind of obsessive attention towards someone who doesn’t care about you at all is weird and linked fundamentally to self-doubt and insecurity. When someone turns you down it is not time to start moaning and complaining about how you are treated, by either her or by the world. Rather it is time to accept it, with confidence, and not take it as a fundamental critique of who you are as a person. It is time to move on in the world, and find others who actually like you. Obsessing over someone who doesn’t like you is not grand; it’s creepy, it’s lonely, it’s sad and pathetic.

We often speak about “catching women”, however the use of this language makes it sound like we can always catch them, if only we’re in the right place, making the right moves. In truth, some women will never like you no matter what or how many moves you make on them.

    Some women do not want you to make any moves on them at all.

This is not a painful realization. It’s a fact of life. It is something to be accepted as a reality of social interaction. It does not reflect badly on who you are as a person, or your attractiveness, charisma or any facet about you. There are over 3 billion women in the world. If a few of them don’t like you and you go off crying about it, then there’s something wrong with you, not them.

This brings me to a corollary point: attractiveness only matters to the women who like you. Put simply, there will always be some women who find you unattractive.

But in the scheme of life, this is irrelevant. Focusing on the women who actually like you is much more important. If you haven’t found them yet, you’re looking in the wrong places. If you haven’t found any lately, keep looking.

Pursuing women who dislike you is sad. It really is.

When guys pursue girls on the dance floor of clubs (girls who have already, often multiple times, turned them down), they’re not “making a good go at it”, or “making a good move”, or battering down rejections. They’re being sad and lonely, and it’s obvious to anyone who is watching them.

Don’t be this guy. You’ll look pathetic, women will think you are pathetic (Have you ever wanted to sleep with a pathetic women? No? Then don’t be pathetic yourself).

The only time you should ever do anything with a woman is if there is some sort of reciprocation. And some indication that she likes you. Otherwise, you run the risk of appearing unattractive to literally everyone in the vicinity.

You equally run the risk of being charged with sexual harassment or sexual assault. As an aside, you can be charged with sexual assault:
1. Even if she’s drunk.
2. Even if you’re drunk.
3. Even if she invited you to her place.
4. Even if she agreed to go to your place.
5. Even if she originally consented, and has since changed her mind.

So, how do you know if there is reciprocation, and a woman is actually interested?

Ask her.

That’s the most courageous thing to do, right? That shows conclusively that you’re not scared of being rejected and furthermore that you respect her right to express her opinion.

There will always be initial banter and flirtation. But especially when things get physical, simply ask her if she’s okay with it. It’s really not that hard, and not that scary.

If she says no, the show is over. Take the rejection and stop, move on, and find someone who actually likes you and is attracted to you.

Stop wasting your time moping in a corner about a woman who doesn’t care if you exist. And stop pursuing her if she doesn’t care about you, cause then you’re just a lonely, sad man.

Move on, find someone who likes you.

Find reciprocation.
Find true love, not unrequited love.

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1 reply »

  1. Everything you say here is true, but I’m not sure whether it actually that easy to move beyond unrequited love. Not the superficial come-on at a club, but once you have feelings for someone, it’s not that easy to let go of your hopes that they’ll feel the same about you. Maybe they won’t, and you certainly shouldn’t pursue them and make them uncomfortable, but those feelings don’t just disappear because you want them to.

    Like

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